The Best 12 Weeks of My Life
Dear Henry,
I can't believe that it has been 83 days since your arrival. Each of these days has been permanently filed in memory. I have loved every second. Even the seconds when we cried together because we were both so freaking tired. Even the ones when Daddy had to be called home for back up when I thought I was losing my mind. You are so amazing to me. You sometimes look like me. You sometimes look like your Dad, but mostly you look like you. You love, I mean LOVE music. In a freaky can't-get-you-to-sleep-without-it kind of way. Not baby lullabyes either. The single guaranteed way of getting you calmed or stopping your crying is to turn on your ipod. Loud. Your crying ceases. Your eyes get big and your hands open and close. We are going to record this with the video camera because you will not believe it. You very much enjoy diaper changes, baths, your mobile, and laying on your Dad's chest. You never smirk when happy or entertained. Instead, you smile so big with your tounge sticking out. Your eyes squint and you turn away because it seems you can't deal with all of the happiness. I am frantically trying to think of everything I want to log about you from the last 12 weeks because tomorrow I go back to work.
and that breaks my heart.
I have spent yesterday and this morning crying. I am sure you father thinks I am loco. I smile when you look at me so you don't know something's up. I swear I am like the mom in one of those lame Lifetime movies where the drug addicted teenage biological mother has changed her mind about the adoption and wants the baby back. I smell your blankets when you are napping. I tell you how much I will miss our morning conversations. ("Kelsey, we get to keep him.", your Dad keeps reminding me). The best/worst part is that you will still be here in the house for the Summer. Alexa will be taking care of you full time while I work. I will at times be able to hear you laugh and play and cry when I am working. This is going to be interesting. I should feel fortunate that you are not having to go to daycare tomorrow- and I do, but still, tomorrow everything changes. No job could ever be as relevant and fufilling as taking care of you. We shall see how this goes. Thank you for being so fun and funny and giving me such wonderful memories of your first days. I love you so very much.
Mom
posted by Anonymous at
3:18 PM
11 Comments:
That letter made me cry. I am so sorry that you have to go back to work. It makes me realize more how lucky I am. But at least he will be at home so the process will be gradual.Everything will work out.
Love Jen
I'm still crying. I have been thinking of you so much this morning. Henry is so blessed to have you as his mama. I have no wise words because there is nothing as painful as the things that cut you in motherhood. But what you can do is rest in the knowledge that you've been fully present for all of it so far and that is sometimes all we can do. I love you, Ashley
I read this last night and was so overwhelmed, I couldn't write. I'm glad the process is gradual and he gets to be with you this summer. Henry is so adorable and you are a wonderful mom!
Love Stef
Kelsey, you are an EXCELLENT writer. I never knew you had it in you. Did they add it while you were at UT, or did you have this from the beginning? I think you should take some of your spare time :-) and start a writing career -- from Centerville, as in Erma Bombeck. Honestly, I mean it (writing, not Centerville).
Let us all know how it went today, about 4:01 EDT.
--Jerome, as in father-in-law
editor's note: my parents live in Centerville, Ohio.
hang in there and remember that working doesn't mean you care about your kid any less.
wait a minute - i thought the first 12 weeks of dating greg was the best 12 weeks of your life??
hang in there and remember that working doesn't mean you care about your kid any less.
wait a minute - i thought the first 12 weeks of dating greg was the best 12 weeks of your life??
hang in there and remember that working doesn't mean you care about your kid any less.
wait a minute - i thought the first 12 weeks of dating greg was the best 12 weeks of your life??
My little taco-man is tougher than you think, Mom. And, so are you. You will find you will cry everytime there is a new milestone...from the first day someone else is taking care of your baby to the first time you get to hold your baby's baby. But it's okay. The most important thing is that you love him--and Henry will always know that no matter where he is. You guys are great parents.
So the entry made me cry and then reading the comments made me cry more. I'm going to go sit in a corner and cry, eat some cookies and have a hot flash...
...and think about how much I love my friend, Kelsey.
Olivia
I'm so sorry to hear that you've been sad ... I hope it's getting better and that the situation is working out for y'all.
I had a much different experience. I didn't go back to work and there were many days when I wished that I had ... wished that I could! Now I see that working helps me to be a better mom because it allows me to take care of myself a little and then be refreshed and ready to take care of my child. Either way, being a mom is hard and emotional. Either way it's a lot of work. Either way is superbly rewarding.
I'm reading this book now that makes me think of you ... it's called Mother Dance by Harriet Lerner. She's a feminist psychologist, and the best phrase in her book is this: "Motherhood is a relationship, not a career."
I think people who stay home are often terrible mothers; likewise, I think some people who work are terrible mothers too. Working or staying home is not what makes or breaks you. There are LOTS of ways to be a good mom.
Good luck with the transition,
Kim
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