Truly Disgusting

I have always prided myself on having beautiful feet. I am not trying to be arrogant, it is just that in my non pregnant life, I really have perfect feet. People tell me that all the time. Trust me, I would much rather be bragging about my butt. I just know how to appreciate the assets I have.

One of the top items on my pre-labor to do list has been getting a pedicure. In the past week, there have been disturbing developements in the appearance of my feet and ankles which quickly moved the pedicure up to the number 2 item on the list- above installing the car seat (yes, the situation is that dire).

You know the "Man Hands" episode of Sienfeld? That is me. Only with mankles. Swollen and pudgy all the way up to my chubby sausage link toes. God love Greg for his ability to control his gag reflex as he stuffs those suckers into my shoes everyday. This state of the union below my knees is currently the only driving force behind my taking the two hours required to shave these days (which involves a good deal of creative shower positioning and some not-so-nice words).

So I get my window of opportunity to try to pretty up the feet and what do I do? Only arrive home with the most hideous coral pink colored nails, which amazingly enhances the pudginess factor of my toes. I still can't explain how that color got anywhere close to my body. The fumes in the salon must have really started to affect me be by the time I got to row three of the polish options. My feet now look like those of a Florida retiree. Needless to say, I am going back to get that changed today, as I know that color will infuriate me to look at when I am in labor.

While I am more than happy to have sacrificed my body for Henry, I am more than ready to get it back.